I’m often asked about my career which has always been described as “diverse” or even “eclectic” and that’s exactly what it is. It didn’t entirely make sense until the end of 2021 when I’d been referred to bereavement counselling by my GP. I’d lost both parents and a close friend to Covid and although I felt I was coping well my GP suggested a few sessions.

We never got round to talking a great deal about grief but in fact touched on another area which was my neuro diversity. It’s never bothered me that people referred to me as “one of a kind”; close friends describe me in many ways; unique, considerate, generous and a few other nice things. But after my counselling sessions I wanted to know the bad points. And I got exactly what I expected, that I can be a loner and too often shut myself off. The diagnosis from counselling was on the autistic spectrum with Asperger’s. Some of my traits can be obsessive interests that can sometimes interfere with daily life; I understood this perfectly. I can be obsessive about my work which is either tech based or music based and I’m obsessive about both. I never keep normal business hours and when I start a project I often put in excessive hours, often staying up all night working on it.

I’m not always good in social situations and often don’t often read situations well despite the fact I can read people exceptionally well. After studying as a singer I found performing very difficult and always had to be the “actor”. Years later I forced myself to do little one man shows to develop my own personal skills and just to be me singing as me and not as a character. But I still often have a persona that I create in situations where I don’t know people.

I’m very much at ease in my own company and enjoy being alone; I don’t and never have suffered loneliness. It takes effort to get out and socialise and meet people. Even friends comment that they often have to drag me out. None of these traits are obvious and you’d have to get to know me well before you’d start to notice. But then I don’t have a large circle of friends, just a few close ones. Smalltalk bores me excessively and I’d often prefer just not to talk.

Although my issues aren’t hereditary I thought of my father and my counsellor considered that he may have had a similar issue. My father was a hard worker, most of his jobs were factory based but he always enjoyed his work but he had almost no male friends outside of work. He had obsessive routines when he came home from work and his entire life revolved around his vinyl collection and his music as well as television. He was very awkward socially and hated crowds or busy places.

There were of course many positives; my skills and abilities in Maths and English meant that I developed considerable skills in computers and coding as well as music which is probably why I have a career in both; there are similarities. Back when I was in my late teens it was a huge trend to be a member of MENSA, I took a MENSA supervised test and was assigned an IQ of 142. I’m not sure it means I’m genius in all things; music and mathematics seem to be my thing. Although oddly my father had a talent for arithmetic and could easily do long multiplication and division quickly in his head. My general knowledge is probably poor and I had little interest in science. Language skills are excellent and problem solving is unique.

I often wonder where it stems from; I had a wonderful maternal Grandmother who started my intellectual journey; from the age of eight she introduced me to music and literature, she bought me books, introduced me to composers, bought me my first piano. As a child I used to go to the library with my mother on a regular basis and whilst my mother picked up her selection of Mills and Boon type books I was always in the adult section (not THAT kind of adult section) looking for serious literature. At the age of 10 I was obsessed with JRR Tolkien, not only had I read his popular books but I had started on his Book Of Lost Tales anthology and read his biography and researched his life. When I moved to London I used to love little pilgrimages to Oxford to visit Tolkien locations. Again, this was probably the Asperger’s in me. Whilst reading about Tolkien when I started secondary school at the age of 12, I discovered that I’d pretty much read everything that you would read for an English Lit degree; I’d found a list of 100 books that all English Lit students should read and I’d already read 86 of them. Within the next three months I’d read all 100 on the list.

I don’t quite think my parents knew what to do with me as a child but obviously my Grandmother had big plans. My parents did what was best; they let me get on with my life even though they never really understood me. I took up a law degree at Edinburgh really just to please my mother but shortly after took up a place to study music in Glasgow having been offered a scholarship. I didn’t tell my parents for some time but they were resigned to it and I suspect my Grandmother often stepped in to smooth things over.

Finally where I am now is the best of everything; I’m finally at a stage in life where I’m financially secure but more interested in my career than ever; I’m doing everything I want to do. I run a successful digital web company Big Blue Scribble, I write professionally, I do my music; composing, singing, performing; all this encompasses my obsessions and I can’t image doing anything else.

Now if only I could keep regular business hours…..